So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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