I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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