y did u give ur computer a hand job?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
