Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
