are you still at the devil's house?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
