i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
