thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
