WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
