If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
