Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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