First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
