I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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