I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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