I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
