Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
