The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize