You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Randomize
