Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
