Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
