Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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