I think my fart just growled at me.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Randomize
