my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
