new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
