is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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