If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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