Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
