I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
