You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I love having hate sex.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
