i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
