I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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