Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Randomize
