You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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