I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
