so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
