I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
