Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
