I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
