even my farts smell like vagina
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She's the barista slut.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
