it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
