hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Sorry my hands just texted you
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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