I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
