please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Randomize
