Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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