For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
you didnt know i had herpes?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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