i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
