It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
