I'm jealous of your bromance
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
