Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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