Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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