im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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