he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
