No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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