My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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