Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
