im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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