her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
